Primal Scream!

I don't remember which radio station used to have this.. but at 3PM every Friday Afternoon, a caller would call it, and does a primal scream, to kick off a 3 hour "traffic jam" mix...

it's not 3PM yet, but it's been one of those weeks...


AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

somehow.. doing it with text isn't as satisfying as in real life

?My? mind's playing tricks on ?me?

You know, something weird happened to me this morning. I was on my way to work, having a conversation with someone. But the conversation suddenly became an argument, because we were debating about what was said to each other, less than 5 minutes ago.

Now this rant isn’t about who is right (maybe just a tiny little). What is so weird about it is that I keep replaying the conversation back in my head and I am convinced that I did not say what she said I said. Nothing even remotely close… I am willing to bet my life on it.. That’s how sure I am of it.

But practicing my empathy, I am willing to bet that she would say the exact same thing. That she is positive I said what she said I said. Exactly the way she remembered.. and that she is willing to bet her life on it.

And despite being in this superbly technologically advanced world, we can’t just press rewind and review what happened.. I know I am not nuts.. or am I.. I really want to know what happened here..

and more importantly..

Who’s right?

Doesn't these things only happen in movies?

Ok.. so the new biometric fingerprint scanners are suppose to be the "next" level in security, right? Well check this out. Hahaha

W. T. F. ?!

So.. U.S. House votes to outlaw computer spyware. Which is a good thing.. but here is what surpises me: "The House voted 395 to 1 to impose jail sentences..." Who the hell is the dumb shit that voted against punishing those who purposely put spyware and malware into your computer? Who is the dumb shit that voted against punishing those who phish for information from unsuspecting (gullible) idiots?

And who are the voters that put this dumb shit in office... WTF

Red Tape? or Stupidity?

Ok.. I don't think I mentioned it before. But I work in the medical field. Today, a patient who said that we have too much red tape yelled at me, stating that patients have to jump through so many loops before they can be seen. Let’s see exactly what my department requires before you can be seen.

  1)  Referral from a doctor. Look, I understand that you have symptoms this and that, and from your expertise in medicine (from watching countless hours of ER and House) qualifies you to believe that you have so and so. We don’t believe you. Go see a doctor, get a diagnosis and get it in writing.

  2)  See a local “specialist”. Please understand, we are a specialty clinic. Not just that, we are a very specialized specialty clinic. Which means, if you are diagnosed with something “common,” go and see a common practitioner. If they cannot help you, then you should be referred to us. In this case, Read step 1

  3)  Clinical notes and lab results. Look, so your doctor tells you that you have so and so. He must have ran a battery of tests, dictated countless notes. Get a copy of all of it (you should have copies of medical notes handy anyways). Keep reading.

  4)  Listen, we live in a world where it’s ran by the mighty dollar, none of the doctor is willing to see you Pro Bono. So you either have to pay it out of your own pocket, or from the pocket of your insurance company. Now with a PPO or and indemnity plan, it is like you have gotten prior permission from the insurance company for you to use their money. If you have a HMO, you must get permission, AKA an authorization

So, let’s recap. You need to see your Primary Care, who diagnoses you with so and so. Then you should see a specialist in your area. Who will probably run a series of tests on your and write a bunch of clinical notes, obtain all of these. And finally, a method of payment.

  5)  So we have the referral, the notes, the test results and prove that you can pay.. you need to fax all of that to us. Why fax? Because it is the lesser of two evils. If you fax something to us, you would still have a copy, and when it gets lost, (stay tune for my rant on faxes), you can fax it to us again. When you mail something, chances are you won’t make a photocopy of it. And when it gets to our medical center, which composes of like 30 buildings in like 5 different locations, guess what. It gets lost. So just fax it to us..

  6)  Now.. when you get things to be faxed to us. Fax it all in 1 package.. I really don’t need you to fax me your insurance card. While your Primary Care Physician faxes me your referral. Your specialist faxes your clinical notes. The lab faxes your test results. While this makes it easier on you. Please remember, I get around 50 referrals a day. On top of that, we get refill request, personal faxes, additional clinical notes for established patients, and Spam faxes (No. I don’t want to buy penny stocks or go to Cancun for 99 bucks). We use like 4 reams of paper daily on that fax machine. Multiple pieces of faxes will get lost, I can guarantee it.

  7) After I receive all the information, process it, the appropriate doctor reviews it, either approve it or deny the request (Don’t ask my why they are denying it. I have no idea. *In a William Hung Voice* I have no profession medical training) and then an appointment can be made or you can seek help elsewhere.

Average day for a patient who sends everything I need in to be approved (or deny), 4 days, 3 of which is sitting around, waiting for a physician to review.

Average day for a patient who doesn’t send everything I need, like MONTHS. (I just received insurance information for a patient, who’s record was send to us on April… 2004!)

It is really very simple. Learn the rules, follow the rule.

BTW.. include a number we can reach you at or leave confidental information on. There is this thing call HIPAA (Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act of 1996) which we have to follow. if we can't reach you or know that your message service is secure.. we can't leave you an message to call us to schedule an appointment.. all your work (and my work) goes down the drain

Next up.. FUCKIN FAX MACHINES!

Kids say the darnest things

Got this from rec.humor.funny:

"A number of Primary Schools were doing a project on "The Sea." Kids were asked to draw pictures or write about their experiences. Teachers got together to compare the results and put together some of the comments that were funny and some that were sad. Here are some of them. The kids were all aged between 5 and 8 years:
This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6)

Whales are animals, not fish. If they don't get air they can drown, like my brother did last summer. (David age 7)

Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 6)

If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don't have sea all around you, you are incontinent. (Wayne age 7)

I think sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)

A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of it's head. (Billy age 6)

My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs. (Millie age 6)

When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating beans. (William age 7)

I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How do mermaids get pregnant? (Helen age 7)

I'm not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy age 8)

Some fish are dangerous. Jelly fish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher age 7)

My mom has fish nets, but doesn't catch any fish (Laura age 5)

When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin age 6)

A submarine goes under the water like a fish, but it has lots of seamen inside. (Emma age 8)

When I grow up, I want to be captain of a big ship, and have lots of sailors. (Valerie age 6)

On holiday my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water shot up her fanny. (Julie age 7)

[Note - making the rounds, anonymously of course - ed.] "

How to tell the sex of your computer mouse

Ok.. So I am goofing around at work. Doing my round of usual websites, checking out new posts. One of the site I check is fatwallet. I go on to check occasional deals..

But this post just had me rolling on the floor. It was regarding Microsoft's Supplemental Parts department and their return/repair policy..

"anyone actually have a problem with the microsoft mouse?

I had a problem with the male mouse (with ball[s]) not a female mouse (without ball[s]).."

hahaha.. too funny!

Stupid People Part II

I believe firmly that for a group of people to survive, it is a requirement that a equally stupid (or stupider) person is in place to lead them. And so is the case with the call center.

Our office received an email yesterday from stupid leader, regarding a database that I maintain. The database is designed for the back office (us) to use to track things, and call center reference the database when customers call, having questions or would like to schedule an appointment. Nothing complicated, nothing hard. But it never cease to amaze me how stupid people come up with ways to fuck things up.

One of the most annoying thing they would do is print a copy of the record in question, write out the question on the bottom and fax it over to us for us deal with. Look, I have 6 stacks of faxes dating back to February, I really don't need any more faxes (Stay tune on my rant on faxes!). The question you write on these faxes are all in the scope of manual we had numerous meeting about, follow it.. If you can not understand how to deal with a problem, because the said situation is not exactly as describe in the manual (and I can understand how that can confuse ones as stupid as people in the call center) then give us a call, we can quickly solve this problem. But no.. instead, they do these printing record thing, fax it.. and wait for us to deal with it. Thanks for adding to the problem.

So to combat this, I decided to disable printing. I disabled screen capture in the database, (But I was stupid and forgot to disable the print function from the menu itself. Hey, we all have our stupid moments.)

I digress, So this stupid leader of the call center idiots emailed us, stating that he has notice changes, making using the database less effective, when they are trying to support our department.. (Are you kidding me.. I have gotten like 50 less faxes a day!)

So here are the "changes" he point out:

- The Print Screen function has been disabled.
- The database will close on a user within 2 minutes, each time forcing the user/agent to reopen the database beginning at record number one.
- The database will not allow the printing of a particular page; the error message states that the page has been modified and is too wide to print.

Ok.. first one, I had a hand in.. but it still did not prevent printing of said record.

Database will close in within 2 minutes.. NO SHIT, that was implemented when I created the Database. It's 1) so stupid call center people won't lock up my database by sitting in it all day and 2) to comply with company policy. This has never changed.. Why is this being brought up now?

then there is the "error message" Look, for whatever reason, it is just telling you that it is too wide to fit into the screen, if you just press the OK button, it will still print. But let me guess.. you pressed cancel cause you are afraid it might blow up or something.

So, let's add all of that to my boss not willing to stand up for us.. I had a misfiring of the synapse and just blew up..

I hope I still have a job..

GOD, I hate the call center

Stupid People

Ok.. So our office is fairly busy and we have a call center that we hire to handle our calls. The problem is the call center agents have IQ of like 15.. combined. We get more calls from them asking us questions than we would if we were actually answering the calls ourselves. They would call the wrong extension for the wrong person. Call us about things that are totally unrelated to us. Just Idiots..

Then there is our boss, the politically correct boss who doesn’t want to stir up any problems. Just today, she asked me to “tone it down” with the agents, and if I had any problems to tell her and she would talk to their manager about it. Are you fucking kidding me? I have been here for 9 months; all your “talking to their manager” have done absolutely NOTHING. They are still stupid as hell, they still go around dishing attitudes, and then I am supposed to sit here and just take that shit? Why are people so quick is volunteering me to first bent over backwards for other people, then bent me over forward to get fucked?

No, you know what, I am sick of being civil. To Miss “Listen”, STFU and you LISTEN!
To my boss, I don’t care if you don’t want to stand up for what you want, but stand up for those who work so damn hard for you.

Elevator ?Etiquette?

Spaces are a valuable commodity. Granted, it is not as bad here in the Bay Area as it is in New York or Japan or Hong Kong.. it is still scarcer than say Montana. To alleviate some of that.. we build high rises, and to get us to the floors because 1) we are too lazy (3rd floor) or 2) it is impossible (82nd floor). Like everything else in our life, there are certain unspoken etiquette we have adopted, such as holding the door for someone who’s rushing to the elevator, letting people who are in the elevator off first before getting in, and minimize your voice in the 5 x 3 space.

So let’s talk about voice level. To be honest, I am noticing this occurring more and more everywhere I go, but it seems to amplify in the small cell we call elevator. If you are two feet from each other, a voice level slightly higher than a whisper will suffice. Everyone in the elevator will probably still hear you. But do I really need to hear about how you got drunk on a Saturday night in perfect echoing stereo, and at a decibel level more suitable for a football game?

Then there is my other pet peeve. There are 3 sets of elevators in my work place.

First set has one elevator, which travels from the bottom basement level, to the 8th floor, servicing all 5 parking levels, the plaza, the mezzanine, the lobby and the rest of the floors in between. We will call this S1

And then there is the other set of elevators, which consist of 4 elevators that services all the floors from the lobby to the 8th. S2

The third set consists of 4 elevators that services from the basement to the lobby level. S3

Each set of these elevators is controlled by their own individual controls.

(I hope I haven’t confused anyone)

Ok.. I get off the bus and have to take the elevator (S1) from the bottom level to the 8th floor. There will always be 1 person that decides he wants to take the same elevator, but get off at the lobby. Why the hell did you just not get on the other 4 elevators (S3)??

Then there is the impatient button pusher. During lunch, I usually go to the lobby, or go back up from the lobby. And for this purpose, I use the “normal” elevators (S2). There is always 1 person who decides to push the button for S1, but instead of waiting, proceed to go into S2. Now, you may ask what the big deal is. When I leave work and have to take S1 all the way back down to the basement, I stop by every single floor, to be greeted by an empty lobby. I mean, if you push the button, WAIT for the fucking elevator. You just delayed my going home by like 3 minutes a DAY because YOU are too impatient to wait for 4 other elevator which will get to you FASTER anyways.

Dumbasses!

The Ultimate M&M Challenge

I found this post in an Austrian web site / forum I visit from time to time. And thought I share it with you guys. I also posted it on Craigslist. Help get it to the best of Craigslist by clicking [best of] in the upper right hand corner. Thanks!

     Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

     I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world. Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointer, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment. When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd.

     Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc.,Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 USA, along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

     This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

     There can be only one...

     - Lucus Maximus

Japanese contradiction

So.. let's get back to talking about Japan.. As I said before, the country is beautiful, the food is great.. The girls are petite and some are cute.. most have crooked teeth, all have LV or Burberry purses. There is just some things I do not understand about this culture thou:

Why is it that people work so late, yet shops and stores closes so early. When do they have time to go grocery shopping? The bank?

Why doesn't 7-Eleven in Japan have Slurpees? I mean come on.. 7-Eleven and Slurpess are like synonymous to each other!

Speaking of convenient stores, in front of every Lawson and AM/PM, there are recycling bins for you to recycle your paper, plastic and cans.. but no where on the streets, are there any garbage cans.. yet the streets are some of the cleanest I have ever seen. The only garbage cans I have encountered are all in JR stations.

Everyone and their mother smokes in this country. There is an age restriction on when you can start smoking. (21 I think) but there are cigarette vending machines in every other block.

Finally, red lights doesn't mean anything in Japan. When you stand in a intersection, green means go, yellow means go faster and red means go before a pedestrian gets in front of you. And they think we have a problem with red light runners here in the state.

Ok.. So I am a slacker

Ok.. so I am awful when it comes to updating my blog.

For my defense, I went to Japan for two weeks. and I also work two jobs.. so give me a break, what are you anyways, my conscience?!

So Japan was great. I admit, I was going tohave a journal of everything that happened every single day. But after the miles of daily walking and seeing enough temples to last me a life-time, I felt back into my lazy ass self.

I will sum it up with this..Japan was beautiful, almost everything was amazing, from the tranquil mountains to the faster-than-life city of Tokyo!