I notice now that I am all grown up, thing are no longer fair. Now, I know that life has never been, is not and probably will never be fair. Personally, I have made every effort in making it fair for those around me, or else I would be a hypocrite. So why is it that people, who all know that life isn’t fair, who all hate the fact that life isn’t fair, continue on this destructive, just plain stupid practice.
I went to my wife’s uncles for a family barbeque. Her uncle has two kids, one is 8 and the other is 3 (I think…). I have never really played with them, I don’t really believe in going “gaa gaa” over someone else’s kids. Not because I am a guy, it is because I believe it create a sense of negative attention (it’s hard to explain). And then of course I don’t believe in taking care of someone else’s kids (read “problems”) in a family gathering. Should see the way my wife’s aunt dump her kids on their 20-something cousins and my wife. Did I mention this is the aunt once said “ten to never” (I think that is the correct phrase) when my wife asked when she could baby-sit the kids. My wife seems to forgive and forget that particular incident. But again, that’s another story for another time.
I digress… So on the 4th, we are all over the house, some are outside eating, others are playing pool, and some are watching the Giants game, which I am happy to announce they lost, again. The younger one of the two kids took a puzzle out and started playing it on the floor. I wasn’t doing anything in particular at that time, so I sat down and started playing with her.
My sister-in-law saw us and decided to make a big deal out of it, out came an “AWWWWWW, how cute.”(ACTION) And everyone started looking at me. I was not happy at this time cause 1) I did not want the extra attention, and 2) I quite frankly did not think it was that big of a deal… did I mention I hate the extra attention? Now I understand that most wouldn’t even understand where I am coming from, but I am the guy in a party that is happy sitting in the corner, w/ a 12 pack of coke and be happy to just watch everyone.
Anyways, I reacted, and now in hindsight, poorly and said, “just leave me alone”(REACTION). I further gave my wife the “don’t you dare” look when she picked up the camera. She must have misinterpreted the look, as the “I am so in love with you” and “I am having the time of my life” look cause she took a picture anyways.
As we are going home, we talked a bit about it and I was trying to explain to her that none of it would have happened if her sister did not open her mouth. Just think, in a parallel university where her sister minded her own business. The kid would have been done with the puzzle in like 3 minutes and left and do something else (god bless short attention spans).
All of a sudden, I noticed that not matter how I felt at that moment and how I try to reason with my wife, the only right thing to do was to smile, blunt the joke everyone would have dished out and smile some more. And then I realized just how unfair my life has become… how unfair life is for an able-bodied person.
If two kids are in a room, and one kid decided to pull the hair-tie off of the other’s hair (ACTION). And the other kid starts crying (REACTION). Who will most likely be disciplined here? Right, the first kid.
Now, let’s look at real life examples, when I was younger. I was driving down the street one day and a man and his wife hollywood stop thru a stop sign in their nice German car. They were making a left into a lane I was in (ACTION); I was already in the intersection when they did this, so I honked. As I was passing them, the man flipped me off. Now, being young, and full of energy (read rage) I jumped out of the car and confronted the finger wielder (REACTION). Who at this point is sulking in the safety of his car. So what happened next? Driver-bys are yelling at me, because I am holding up traffic. So wait a second… He did something wrong and illegal.. I reacted to it.. and I am getting yelled at? And who’s going to yell at the fuckers who are yelling at me? For they are reacting to my action…
But back to the question at hand. When do we judge people’s reactions and people’s actions? And if people’s reactions are unacceptable, and the actions that caused the reactions are equally unacceptable, at whom do we get mad??
I had an uncle, who was a man of little words. A man whom I admire, more than anyone else in the world. I think he taught me a lesson by example. The less words you say, the less people will get mad at you. I am the doormat of the world, walk on me please.
